Cody Rhodes was right when he said “the time for talking is over.”* This week, the “what do you want to talk about?” was an actual earnest plea for conversation topics.
We’re a little over a week away from WrestleMania 40 and, yes, all the points have been made. All the cutting remarks have been said. Precious dogs have been called preposterous assholes. It’s time to ring the bell and start the match.
*diplomatic immunity
So with nothing to say, there were only whispers this week. Sweet Rocky nothings dribbled into Cody’s ear. And then sour blood dribbled all over Cody’s face.
Pillowy soft secrets…
…and then rock-hard fists.
Yes, Raw fans in attendance may have been upset for a hot minute because The Rock appeared on RAW and didn’t do s***. He slowpoked to the ring, Hail Hydra’d Cody, and then skedaddled. But he’d return in the final few minutes to deliver a rainy day beatdown.
None of us know what kind of ring rust The Rock has, though I think we all agree it’s a good idea that his big ‘Mania return match is a tag bout. Just for protection. And if the Cody pummeling on RAW is any indicator, Rocky wasn’t looking to get too physical before the Grandest Stage of Them All. There were moments when I was like “Oh, here comes a Rock Bottom through a table” and – nope! – he just kept throwing Cody around into walls and doors. As if he had a bigger grudge against walls and doors than he did against Cody.
It was sort of a low blood sugar ass-kicking, with Cody having to sell like he was being batted around by Godzilla. Or Kong. Or Godzilla kissing Kong (which is how you’re supposed to say Godzilla x Kong). And The Rock was very much in the “Look at this! Look at you now!” zone. In all fairness, his trash-talking needed a second pass. A bit of a punch-up. Unless he was trying to be ScarJo’s “My daughter, Lexi” on SNL. In which case… respect.
The Rock’s new moniker is the Final Boss, which is a dope-ass nickname – especially when you consider that his eventual defeat is built right into it. Final Boss definitely means he’s the biggest and baddest of Cody’s obstacles but Final Bosses are also designed to be put down. One literally beats them to “finish the story.” Unless Cody rage-quits and then doesn’t play again for a few years, which happens to the best of us. Anyhow, when Cody finishes his story he can go by “New Game Plus” Cody Rhodes.
Right now, despite being just around the corner, WrestleMania still feels very fluid. There are a lot of wins that feel kinda/sorta automatic, because it’s ‘Mania… but I don’t know. I feel like Rhea could beat Becky. I feel like Iyo could take Bayley. Even Roman could ruin Cody’s dreams again (what would be more “Rhodes,” if we’re being honest?). There are things I certainly want to see happen, but nothing’s guaranteed. We’re all wondering if Seth will turn on Cody, either ahead of Night 2 or on Night 2, and we’re also contemplating The Rock trouncing Roman if/when Roman loses to Cody.
That would set Roman up as a quasi-babyface for the first time since his clumsy hero run all those years ago. And Rock as the Final Final Boss. It could also lead to a Roman/Cody team-up. But what if it’s Roman that turns on Rock? What if we’re so focused on Rocky becoming the new “Head of the Table” that we don’t realize that he’s the one who’s going to get Superman Punched.
Speaking of… how has Rock not yet decreed that Roman call that the Black Adam Punch?
I was also fully expecting Drew to beat Seth… but now? Most of us have pooh-poohed a Seth heel turn against Cody since he’s the babyface in his Night 2 match against Drew. But Punk just came back into the mix. And Punk’s involvement means that we could easily now get a Heel vs. Heel deal. And Punk could facilitate a big crowd-pleasing win if he has Damien Priest, who’s becoming the outlying babyface amongst The Judgment Day, come down and use his MITB contract. Because wouldn’t it be in Punk’s interest for both Seth and Drew to lose?
But man, I’d also love to see Drew win. I’m torn. Like when Natalie Imbruglia says she’s “Torn” in the song “Torn.” Which is really an Ednaswap song (E-SWAP 4 LIFE!).
The Punk/Drew/Seth segment on RAW was the best part of the show. Just three guys with a loosey-silly-goosey outline of what to say and how to react getting all wild and wicked. It was good that the Rock/Cody stuff took a backseat, and that the ambush was saved for the end, because this bit of Raw made me excited, kind of for the first time, for the Seth/Drew match. Up until now, it had been too tied and tethered to Seth and the Bloodline and didn’t have an identity unto itself.
Did it take Punk to make both of them interesting? Like Punk himself said? Well… yup.
And that’s not a bad thing in and of itself. Punk and his injury are the reason the match is happening, so he’s integral regardless. But he also just fit in so well. Punk may have the body of that “I was born with glass bones and paper skin” fish from SpongeBob, but he’s still an impeccable storyteller. His mouth still works, as he so aptly put it.
That trio had some quality, take-ya-to-school mic time out there, and when Punk asked Drew who it was that “chose” him all those years ago I paced around my living room like I was 10 years old and watching reruns of Three’s Company. The Reverend Snow is in town and now Jack and Janet have to get married on the spot in the apartment? Gahhhhhh!
Ultimately, there is ample opportunity for backstabbery at ‘Mania 40. Who do you think will do someone else dirty? Let us know below.
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